Last December, our Glorious Leader, Dane Enda gave a State of the Nation speech.  One thing he was definite about – it was not the People who caused the financial crisis.

Later on, he expanded on that.  It was not the People; it was the banks, crap government and developers.  The only one he missed there was the Financial Regulator who was fast asleep at the wheel.  At least it wasn’t our fault.  He wasn’t blaming me.

Yesterday he was asked yet again what caused the crash in Ireland.

What the fuck?

No mention of builders?  No mention of the Worst Government in History?  No mention of the Financial Regulator?  Suddenly it’s my fault?

Fuck that.

I can only assume that he spent his little winter holiday in Davos arse licking.

It would explain why he is so full of shite.

If you have, then please tell him, because he seems to have utterly confused himself over his latest gimmick.

He claims he is abolishing the television licence and that he is replacing it with a “broadcasting charge”.

His argument is that not only are too many people avoiding paying the licence [*cough*] but that people are using things other than a television to watch television.  What the fuck?  Now I know that it is easy enough to watch television on a computer, but unless you have a fairly decent size screen, that is not normally an option for a family.  He also quotes mobile phones as a means of viewing television.  Now quite frankly if a family is going to sit down of an evening to watch their favourite film on a mobile phone propped on the mantelpiece then they want their heads [and eyes] examined. 

The only plausible way he can run this latest farcical idea is to charge every house in the land on the assumption that everyone has a television, a computer and a mobile phone. And if you don’t have any of the three how do you prove that?  Anyone knows it is extremely difficult to prove a negative.

One of the lines that has even me confused is his statement that “a huge number of the population now get their news not from sitting down and watching the nine o’clock news but accessing the arrangements that the public service broadcaster has put in place”   Now what in the name of fuck is that about?  Is he complaining that we read the RTE website instead of watching the news?  If RTE are moaning about that then why do they have a website in the first place?  That’s equivalent to complaining that we get our news from local gossip instead of the radio.

So from what I can gather, we are going to have a licence that isn’t a licence and it’s going to be levied on all households but it isn’t a household levy.

I like Pat Rabbitte.

Even on my worst days he makes me feel positively sane.

Like me, I would guess that you are sick and tired of all the half truths, exaggerations, evasions and bare faced lies you hear from our politicians these days. It has become a complete waste of time to listen to any of them on the media. Sometimes you know they are lying, sometimes you suspect it and other times you are not sure. Any wonder then that we are totally in the dark as to what is actually happening around us.

This has troubled me for some time now because I really do want to hear the truth, no matter how bad that might be. And then it struck me one evening, how I could get it. Like most great ideas, it is so simple. All you have to do is listen to exactly what the politician says, and then reverse it in your own head. Just think the complete opposite of what you just heard, and that will be the truth.

Here are samples of the sort of thing I mean.

Politician:  "There is simply no alternative".

What it means:  "There’s hundreds of alternatives but we’re too lazy to consider any of them".

Politician:  "We are committed to protecting the poor and disadvantaged".

What it means:  "We are really going to shaft those bastards".

Politician:  "I’ve never worked so hard".

What it means:  "I have not done a decent day’s work in my life".

Politician:  "This Government will try everything to ………..".

What it means:  "We intend to do fuck-all about ………..".

Politician:  "And let me be completely clear about this ……..".

What it means:  "This next bit is utter bullshit".

Politician:  "It is my intention to ……..".

What it means:  "I have no intention of ………".

Politician:  "The party leader has my full support".

What it means:  "I’m plotting with others to get rid of the bastard".

Politician:  "Having carefully studied all the facts of this matter".

What it means:  "This is the first I’ve heard of it, so here’s an off-the-cuff remark".

Politician:  "I will be giving this my full attention in the future".

What it means:  "This is the last I expect to hear about this shit".

Politician:  "There will be no hospital closures in the lifetime of this Government".

What it means:  "We’ll be shutting hospitals left right & centre".

Politician:  "My strong feelings on that matter are well known".

What it means:  "I couldn’t give a flying fuck either way".

Politician:  "We want to be transparent and accountable at all times".

What it means:  "There is no way we will ever be transparent and accountable in my lifetime".

Politician:  "The people have spoken".

What it means:  "The people in Government that is".

Politician:  "We are doing everything we can".

What it means:  "We are doing absolutely nothing and won’t do anything either".

Politician:  "This is now a priority".

What it means:  "It’s even off the back burner".

Politician:  "I have dedicated my life to public service".

What it means:  "The public will serve me for the rest of my life, if I can get away with it".

So, if you listen to any of them, on radio or television, try this out. You will be horrified at how accurate it turns out to be!

Supreme Cunt Bertie Ahern ordered 7,000 electronic voting machines.

No one really knows why he did this.  He claimed that if we didn’t have them that we would be the laughing stock of Europe, which seems a little off beam as most other countries don’t have them either.  But then logic was never Ahern’s strong point.  He maintained that for people to vote using a pen and ballot paper was old hat and he wanted to brag to all his pals in Brussels that we were a high-tech country.  Now the wish to brag sounds a lot more like Ahern.  The little shit always did like the limelight.

What Ahern failed to realise is that the old system works.  Pens don’t get viruses and rarely break down.  They are pretty much fool proof.

The new voting machines were a different kettle of maggots altogether.  They were flaky.  They were unreliable.  Worst of all, they were wide open to tampering.  In short, they were the last thing people wanted to use when dealing with a totally corrupt system like our gubmint.

So for the last ten years all 7,000 machines have been sitting around cluttering up the place in various storage depots.

Our current gubmint has decided to dump the machines as the storage fees are mounting.  They now have to find a way of dumping them.

Total cost of this fiasco – €55,000,000

Current value – €0

*Sigh*

This recession thing is getting very tiresome.

There are a lot of avenues when it comes to raising cash to fill the EU gubmint’s coffers.  They could introduce all sorts of taxes on the higher earners [“Oh no, we can’t do that – no one would come over here and start up new businesses”]  They could chase down those who fleeced the country during “the good times”.  Feckit; there are dozens of ways.

But what are they doing?

Milking pensioners.

Yup.  That’s right.  Need a few million? – let’s force pensioners to pay more tax.

They sent out somewhere in the region of 150,000 letters to pensioners telling them that they are going to have to cough up a lot more tax. 

Of course this has led to blind panic which in turn led to 20,000 of ‘em phoning their tax offices to find out what the fuck was going on.  Chaos and confusion.

Frankly I am more than a little nauseated at this turn of events.  My theory is that they are scraping the pensions simply because they haven’t found a way of taxing children, the disabled or the handicapped. 

For once, I don’t blame the gubmint except in so far as it refuses to stand up to Brussels.  No – the blame lies squarely at the feet of the EU.  The bastards are here at the moment going through our books to make sure that we are all bled dry in order to save their precious fucking Euro.  Apparently the pension fiasco is their idea.

The Meeja insists on calling them the Troika, which is much too honourable a name.

They are just three blood sucking leeches.

The proposed new house tax hasn’t even started yet but already they are threatening us with fines and imprisonment. 

Dame Enda is shouting the odds saying that anyone can afford €2 a week.

That may be so.  €2 isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but what about next year?  Will it remain at €2 a week?  Like fuck it will.  It will be  €5, €50 or even €100 once they get their claws in us and realise they have a handy stream of free money.

Many years ago, a government got into power when one of their election promises was to abolish car tax.  Once elected they did just that.  Car tax was abolished and the introduced a new “Road Fund Licence” at £10 a year flat rate.  Oh how the people rejoiced!  Within a year, that started to climb and it now stands anywhere between €104 and €2100, and the name has reverted to car tax.  And it will be going up again next year.

Also, many years ago I was young, and naïve.  They introduced a refuse charge that sparked off a major campaign of non-payment.  However I was innocent and honest and duly sent off my cheques, which at the time I could ill afford.  The non-payment campaign was duly successful and the charges were dropped.  Those who hadn’t paid got off, so I duly wrote and asked for my money back.  In no uncertain terms I was told to go fuck myself.  It was a salutary lesson that I learned well and was in part instrumental in reforming me into the cynical, worldly-wise individual that stands before you now.

So they can go and fuck themselves with their house tax.  I came by this house by honest means, and most of it was built with my own sweat [and a few concrete blocks].  I see no reason why the hell I should pay the government for the privilege of living under my own roof.

Of course I have already heard some sheeple bleating that other countries have the tax so it only fair that we should pay it.  My answer is that in some countries they stone women to death for adultery and in others they have no income tax.

I can see interesting times ahead.

It’s almost fun watching them squirm like a worm on a hook.

Their problem is that the Sauerkraut and the Frog have decided that the only way for the Euro to survive is for us to hand over our chequebooks and credit card to Brussels, which in effect means we have to hand over our sovereignty.  Whoever holds the purse-strings calls the shots, as it were. 

The gubmint’s problem is that they want to do this but they have to do it in such a way as to avoid a referendum, because they know damn well that a referendum is more than likely to fail.  And if the referendum fails then that is pretty much the end of the Euro and the EU.

So I imagine that they are even now running around like blue arsed flies trying to work out the propaganda to get us to vote ‘yes’ -

Europe has been very good to us in the past.  [Hah!]

We will all be one big happy family.  [In my arse, we will]

If we vote ‘no’ then the entire population will be down on O’Connell Bridge with our polystyrene cups doing a spot of begging.

If we vote ‘no’ then all our children will be born with horns and cloven hooves.

If we vote ‘no’ then Europe will hate us for ever and ever and ever and ever.

We have to vote ‘yes’ because there is no alternative.  [Yes there is – it’s called voting ‘no’]

If we vote ‘no’ then it will cost us a fortune as we will have to run a whole series of referendums until we vote ‘yes’.

If we vote ‘no’ there will be no more ‘X-factor’ or ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ on television. [Actually, that could be a winner?]

And so on…..

Isn’t it strange that in a so called ‘democratic society’ that the gubmint should be so scared of asking the peoples opinion?

Some people believe in the tooth fairy.

And laughable as it may seem, some people actually still believe that Ireland is a democracy.

I watched Vincent Browne last night as there was nothing else on and I didn’t feel like going out.  I’m quite glad I did.

Joe Costello was on the panel.  For those who haven’t a clue who Joe Costello is, he is the Labour representative for Dublin Central, and running up to the last election, Labour were the Great White Hope in a time of utter chaos.

The Labour Manifesto was quite clear on many issues.  Since the election they have rowed back on just about every single issue.  For two years in succession they voted against renewal of the bank guarantee [which was probably the worst guarantee ever formulated since the dawn of time].  Now that they are in power, they are voting for the fucking thing.

Browne quite rightly asked Costello whom he represented.  Did he represent his constituents or did he represent the party?  The answer was quite clear – he represented the party and his constituents could get stuffed.  The programme is worth watching as it defines the expression “tearing a new arsehole”.  My respect for Vinnie went up a notch or two.

Since the election, nothing has changed here.  The old policies which were destroying this country are still being followed.  Not one item has been changed.  The poor are still being taxed out of existence while the rich get richer.  But then no one should be surprised at this as the financial policies are not being decided here, but in Brussels.  And Brussels couldn’t give a flying shite about the people of Ireland.  All they are interested in is their fucking Euro and also that the German banks get paid back their gambling debts.

Holding an election here is futile.  It will change nothing.

It is akin to changing the driver on the 15 bus – different driver; exactly the same route.

To be honest, I would have a stronger belief in Santa.

A week ago he had an apparently unassailable lead in the presidential race.  He was miles ahead and I don’t think anyone would have given the others a chance.

Then came the revelations about his close ties to Fianna Fail, the brown envelope culture and dodgy business deals.  Talk about being shot down in flames!

From the start, I had no clear favourite.  I worked on a reverse order principle – eliminating the worst and voting for the survivor.  On that basis, Higgins was my choice as being the least bad candidate.

A small part of me would have liked to have seen Gallaher elected though.  That way he would remain in the spotlight and would probably have to face impeachment.  That would have been great craic.  As it is, the little shit will hopefully just vanish into obscurity, where he belongs.

A good day for Ireland?

I dunno about that.

Let’s just say it’s not a bad day.

They were given a choice of seven candidates for presidency and the current favourite is a baldy headed fucker with the charisma of a wet blancmange.

For those of you who don’t know the esteemed Sean Gallagher [you lucky bastards], his sole claim to fame is to be on the panel of the Irish version of “Dragon’s Den”.

I actually watched that programme a couple of times in the past and you can take it from me that it was a total embarrassment.  Gallagher was one of the main instigators of the cringe factor and if you had told me then that people would actually consider him for president, I would have either laughed or slit my wrists.

I can’t look at the eejit without thinking that he bears more than a passing resemblance to Homer Simpson.  The only difference between them is that Homer has ten times the intelligence.

I grant you that  in the main the other candidates are a pretty pathetic bunch but I would have put Gallagher at the very bottom of the list, along with that little whinger, the Eurovision singer.

Of course, Gallagher’s only other claim to fame is that he is out and out Fianna Fail.  Yes – those back slapping, stroke pulling, brown envelope cunts who drove this country into the ground, and beyond.  He has even admitted to a few very dodgy loans in the past.  Has the Irish electorate forgotten already?  Can they really be that fucking stupid?

The thought of this eejit representing me abroad fills me with dread.  I have a good mind to apply for Libyan Citizenship.

There are times I am convinced that there is absolutely no hope for this country.