Well, here is a little suggestion.

If I had any sort of influence on how democracy would be run, I would abolish politicians’ clinics.  Yes.  It’s that simple.

We have a bunch of brainless low-life running this place at the moment.  They are paid sinful wages yet they rarely appear to do the actual job of running the country.  Why?  Because they are all back home in their constituencies doing things they should not be doing.

On the radio recently, people in Limerick were asked what they thought of that little perjurer O’Dea.  They said he was a fantastic representative.  Why?  Because he would turn up at all the funerals.  For fuck’s sake!!  The Brain Dead are impressed because some wanker turns up at a funeral?

The latest little nugget is that Trevor Sargent is to be investigated because he wrote to the Gardai asking for charges against a constituent to be dropped.  Whatever the rights and wrongs of what he did, I would ask what the fuck he was doing meddling in a single bloke’s affairs when he should have been looking after his government department?

The problem with Irish politics is that TDs are under the impression that their job is to sort out people’s problems.  What’s worse, they are under the impression that they only have to write something on government headed notepaper and that problem will be solved.  This should not be the way of things.

When I vote for a candidate, I vote not because I like his policies on how the country should be run, but because his policies are less damaging than the other candidates.  One way or another, I vote because I want him [or her] to contribute to running the country.

Unfortunately, too many people vote for a candidate because he has promised to get the potholes in the road fixed, or that he will sort out some planning problem.  This is so wrong as to be laughable.  What we end up with is gobshites, the likes of Jackie Healy-Rae and Willie O’Dea who haven’t a fucking clue about how a country should be run, but who are guaranteed to turn up at a funeral or to get you a medical card.

If I have a problem with planning permission or holes in the road, I go to my local council.  It’s what they are there for, and it’s why I elect my local councillors.  It is not the business of my local TD in any way, shape or form.  TDs should be expressly forbidden from messing in local affairs.

So my answer is to abolish the clinics.  Forbid TDs from having any say in anything other than national affairs.

Think of the advantages -

TDs would be elected on national policies, and not because they are good at sorting trivia.

TDs would be available at all times for national business and would have the excuse that they ‘have to deal with their constituency’.

Travel [and its expense] would be drastically decreased.

Fewer TDs would be required, thereby saving millions.

We might actually get TDs who have something to offer other than the fact they are someone’s son or daughter.

The advantages are really too many to mention.

So why don’t we insist on this simple solution?

First of all, we had the unedifying spectacle of a group of men dressed in skirts grovelling to an ex member of the Nazi Youth Party.  It was a nauseating sight – grown men kissing the fucking ring of an old fart who thinks he is God Almighty.  And what was the outcome of this meeting?  A torrent of verbal diarrhoea that means sweet fuck all.  There were no expressions of responsibility or real remorse, just the usual platitudes stating that child abuse is a ‘heinous crime’ and a ‘sin’.  Big fucking wow!  So the self appointed guardians of our morals have discovered that child abuse is wrong?  Well, slap me on the face with a wet kipper.

Then we had the case of a government minister who swore an affidavit in the High Court knowing it to be a pack of lies.  He was caught out on his lie, but did he give a shit?  Not at all.  He sat in the Dail with a smirk on his face as our Glorious Leader defended him and claimed that he had made ‘a genuine mistake’.

There is a lot in common in the above two cases.  Whether it was child raping priests, or a government minister committing perjury, both knew they were above the law.  Both knew they can get away with lying, cheating and conniving because their bosses would cover for them.

The Vatican is supposed to be the ultimate authority on matters of morals for Catholics.  The government is supposed to be the ultimate authority on temporal matters.  Both institutions have demonstrated that they are morally bankrupt and are prepared to treat us with utter contempt.

We are on our own.

In fact I can remember at least two occasions in my life where I had to change my opinion on something.  For example, there was the time [I think I was five at the time] when I said that Guinness didn’t taste nice.  It transpired that I shouldn’t have been dipping my rusks in it, and I was quite happy to admit that I was in error.

For a long time now, I held the opinion that Déirdre de Búrca was a slag.

She invariably riled my piss whenever she opened her mouth, and I found her to be arrogant, opinionated and to be one of those politicians who will do absolutely anything to stay in power [is there any other kind of politician?]

This week though, I had to change my mind.  For the first time, she cheered me up.  I found myself agreeing with her, one hundred percent.  I actually found myself admiring her.

My theory is that when you want to demolish someone, you do it as publicly as possible, and do it by telling the unvarnished truth.  Opinion and innuendo can be ignored, but not the truth.  This week, she launched a broadside salvo against Gormless and the Greens, and it was brilliantly done.

She told it exactly as it is.  She told the Greens that they will do anything to stay in power no matter how far up Fianna Fails rectum they have to climb.  She told them that they had sold out every principle they had.  She told them that they were a bunch of power crazed, lily livered hypocrites that will do absolutely anything to hold onto their Mercs and perks.

She told Gormless himself that he was selling the party on order to keep his moment of glory in the Dail.  She said he would do anything to hold onto power.  She all but accused him of sleeping with Biffo.

Fair play to her.

I have been watching the fallout and it is a joy to behold.  The Greens are going frantic trying to circle the wagons and have been coming up with some great lines.  I swear that yesterday I even heard that little wanker Trevor Sargent  claim that the Greens had recently created tens of thousands of jobs in the “Green Economy”.  I don’t know what or where the “Green Economy” is, but it certainly isn’t in Ireland as our unemployment rate continues to rise.

Yesterday, another opinion poll came out.  The Greens now stand at 2%.  Considering that there is a 3% margin for error, it looks like my prediction of the first ever negative result is on the cards, and earlier than I predicted.

Yes.  I was wrong.

Up to a few days ago, I wouldn’t.

But now I would.

Ay the time, I gave my main reasons which I won’t rehash in detail, but basically I said that the whole process was anti-democratic and Europe was building a United States of Europe, where we would loose all rights to self determination.

The pro-Lisbon crowd came back at me and said this was a load of bollox and that it was merely a ‘tidying up exercise’ and that it wouldn’t affect our national status in any way.  The pros also said we had to sign up to help us out of the current financial mess.

So, let’s have a look at the state of play at the moment.

For a start, we have gained absolutely fuck all by signing up.  Our banks are still in a mess.  Unemployment continues to rise with no end in sight.  Businesses continue to close.  Where is Europe when you need them?  They are sitting on their fat, overfed, overpaid arses and laughing at us.

What have we lost?

There are those who said that Europe would have no powers to meddle in our affairs.  How come then there is a grave risk of our losing the right to trial by jury?  This is a fundamental right that has existed for centuries, yet it will be denied us without any recourse. 

How come Europe is applying bully-boy tactics to the Greeks?  They have been told [not asked – told] to get their affairs in order and to report on a regular basis like a naughty schoolboy.  If Europe doesn’t like what Greece are doing, then Europe will take over and the Greeks lose the right to their own financial affairs.

I see Europe has decided that the smoking fiasco isn’t going far enough and is threatening to impose restrictions on all member countries.

I also notice that Europe always refers to it’s members as ‘states’.  Slowly but surely we are being indoctrinated by the back door on the concept of a group of states under the umbrella of Europe.  When are we first going to hear the words ‘united states’ creep into the lexicon?  I guarantee it won’t be long.

Well.  I won’t say I told you so.

But………….

The latest political opinion polls are out, and the figures are quite astounding.

Support for Fianna Fail is actually up.  One out of every five people would actually vote back in the most incompetent, inefficient, self seeking shower of fuckers we have ever had the misfortune to have in government.

I suppose there is an element here of Hobson’s Choice.  People see no alternative to the cunts that are now screwing us left right and centre.  But surely the satisfaction rating must be near zero?  But no.  19% of people are actually happy to be fucked up the backside?  I find that quite astounding.  Maybe it’s the Catholic Churches influence at work again?  All those years of taking it for God and Country has made us immune to buggery?

Just as astounding is the fact that a quarter of all people polled were satisfied with Gormless.  That spineless twat and his green wittering still has a following?  Fuck me! My only satisfaction here is that Green support is down yet again, giving hope to my prediction of a negative figure in the polls soon.

I was so amazed at these figures that I contacted a pal of mine in MRBI who conducted the poll.  I wanted to find out if it had been financed by the government.  But no, it hadn’t.  He told me that the poll had been conducted in accordance with their usual standards.  He even told me where they had taken the poll.

I was amazed.

I didn’t realise that there were as as many as a thousand inmates in St Patricks Institute for the Criminally Insane.

I saw an article in a paper the other day where they are whinging about the lack of women in government in the UK, and we get the same thing over here from time to time.

I am all for equality within reason.  If a man and a woman are doing an identical job, then they should be treated equally.  I can’t see any argument against that.  But the Equality Nuts tend to bring the argument too far.  There are some things that men do better, and there are some things that women do better.

I am a great believer in looking back to our origins.  We started off as cave dwellers, where each gender had a specific function.  The men were designed as hunters and protectors, and the women were designed as child bearers and nurturers.  That is the way we are physically and psychologically designed.

Men [generally] are physically stronger, faster and more aggressive.  They have greater spatial awareness.  These are qualities needed to track down and kill their prey and also to defend their territory.  Women, on the other hand are more sensitive and emotional.  They are more caring and aware of others emotions.  These are the qualities of a mother and carer.  I’m not just talking about homo sapiens here either – it applies across the species.

So why is it so imperative that women should govern?

I have no objection to women being in power, though our present incumbents would tend to be a very strong argument against that stance.  I would go so far as to say that the likes of Mary Harney, Mary Coughlan, Beverly Cooper Flynn and Mary Hannafin are very strong and compelling arguments against allowing women into power.  They are fucking useless.  I’m not saying the men are any better, but they are certainly not worse.

Now the Brits are actually mooting the idea that laws should be enacted compelling women only candidates.  That is the greatest load of bollox I have ever heard [maybe the wrong expression, but you know what I mean?].  Why should a vagina be the qualification for a good representative?

In the past, I have had the misfortune to work for a couple of female managers.  They were a disaster.  The worst aspect was that if anything went wrong, their immediate response was not to solve the problem, but to burst into tears and start ranting at everyone around them.  Very fucking helpful.  I have had a few crap male managers too, but I never saw one cry.

The world is going to hell in a handcart.

I’ll tell you one thing though -

If they do insist on all female representatives, I will still reserve the right to call them a shower of cunts.

Qualified to lead?

I would like to congratulate you on your recent budget.

In particular I would like to congratulate you on your courage in cutting Social Welfare payments to the sick, unemployed and disabled.  That was a stroke of genius.  Also of course the fact that you included the lowest paid in your pay cuts. 

The sooner that the people of Ireland realise that they are of no consequence, the better.  You know, and I know that the single most important thing is your personal standing in Europe.  At all costs, they are the people you must impress.  Who cares if your popularity is zero at home, so long as you are admired in Brussels?

The lessons of Opus Dei are strong.  To appease the Lord, one must self flagellate and the more blood the better.  You have spilled a lot of blood and the IMF is pleased with your sacrifice.

Your standing in Europe is good now.  You were admired for your stance against democracy when you ignored the wishes of your people and reran the Lisbon Treaty.  You were admired for introducing those draconian laws against evil smokers, even though they were not requested.  That showed initiative.

As a mark of respect for your dedication, I have pencilled you in as a potential candidate for European President in the 2083 elections.

Keep up the good work.

José Manuel Barroso

P.S.  Please find enclosed a cheque for €100 towards your flood relief.

P.P.S.  Where exactly is Ireland?

JMB

You had better have, for today is the day when we all get royally bum-fucked.

Today, you are not only going to be raped, but you are going to enjoy it.  Because it is, after all your ‘patriotic duty’?

Having handed the country over to the bankers and the builders for the last few years, the government have discovered that the coffers have been cleaned out, and the bankers and builders are now happily sunning themselves in various tax havens.  It is up to us as ‘patriotic citizens’ to fill the coffers again.

We all have to ‘feel the pain’.  Cowen told us so.  After all, isn’t he taking a massive pay cut down to a miserly €228,466?  The poor man.  How will he ever subsist on that paltry sum?  I must send him the address of his local St Vincent de Paul.

Knowing that he is cutting his salary to a mere fifteen times what I get, will of course make my pain that much easier to take.

I know I am going to be hammered with their fucking carbon tax.  For all of you who question why the governments are pushing the Global Warming agenda so hard, there is your answer – a fucking massive new revenue stream that we can’t complain about because ‘it’s for the good of the planet’.  I filled up on oil yesterday, and I’m filling the car today, even though I don’t need to [I’m still running on petrol I bought in Caen, in France]

So my advice is to just sit back, and enjoy the ride [as it were].

If the clergy don’t fuck us up the arse, the government will.

I suppose it started with my first arrest when I was six.  It was a trumped up charge, and somewhat soured my attitude towards the law.  I mean, how the fuck was I to know she was going to start undressing just as I peered through her window?

I suppose you could class my relationship with the Gardaí as a sort of hate hate relationship.  I think that about covers the spectrum?

Anyway, things changed when I met Herself.

You see, her father was a sergeant. That was a mistake.  When it came to getting married, it was less a case of a shotgun marriage as a case of ‘marry my daughter, you little prick, or that stash of marijuana will see you down for ten years’.  In retrospect, I should have gone with the arrest, as I would have been out and free after five.  As it is, now I’m stuck for life.

Then we went and bought a house in the suburbs.  I fucking hated that place, and for eighteen years, I missed the mountains.  What was worse, we had the local sergeant living one side of us, an inspector on the other and an ordinary Garda living across from us.  It was a fucking nightmare.  Have you any idea how difficult it is to live by the law for eighteen years?  It cost me a fucking fortune in bribes.  Bastards.

I see now they are talking about going on strike.

I’m all for it.

It won’t make the blindest bit of a difference to the constant crime wave we have to endure, as the criminals ignore the Gardaí anyway.

It will mean the rest of us can carry on our lives without being harassed and hassled at every turn though. 

I watched Sharon the news last night, and our esteemed Minister for Justice, Dermot Ahern was on ranting about the proposed strike.  For those of you who don’t know him, he is the progressive type who brought in our new wonderful blasphemy laws, just as every other country was scrapping them.

I gather he is not too pleased with the idea of a strike?  He called it “an affront to democracy” which is fucking rich for a minister who’s government was hammered in the last elections and that refused to acknowledge they no longer have a mandate.

Anyhow, he donned his jackboots and told the Gardaí that if they went on strike that every one of them would be arrested.

Interesting.

Who is going to arrest them?

Not content with trying to remove medical cards from the elderly, the government are now talking about charging us for prescriptions.

Their justification for this, apart from trying to bleed us of every last red cent we have, is to try to reduce the number of prescriptions!

Is there no end to the arrogance and incompetence of that insufferable Harney?  A fucking school teacher is telling us we are taking too many medications?  Who the fuck does she think she is?

Maybe some doctors are a little liberal with their prescribing?  I don’t know.  You don’t know.  The only ones who are qualified to know are doctors.  If Mad Cow Harney is so concerned about it, she should tackle the doctors, not the patients.

The vast majority of people take medication not for fun, but because they need to.  It is not a choice.  In fact, in a lot of cases, failure to take medication can have very serious, if not fatal consequences.  If a person is prescribed medication, then the doctor has done so for a very good reason.  It is not up to anyone, let alone an obese health minister to intervene.

And if this charge is brought in, who is going to hit?  The poorest, of course.  Having been thrown out of their homes and their jobs because of the incompetence of the government, these people are now being told they are taking too much Prozac or whatever.  It’s a case of ‘we have bled you dry, and now we want you to suffer, and enjoy your sleepless nights’.

Words fail me.

The sooner someone removes that Harney the better.

And I don’t care how they do it.