Archive for the 'Rants' Category

iPad is not PC

Grandad January 28th, 2010

A long time ago I wrote about my feelings concerning Political Correctness.  In fact, it was so long ago that I can’t find it now.

I fucking hate Political Correctness.  It is the greatest load of bollox ever invented.

Why do I hate it so much?  Because it’s symptomatic of the touchy feely, no one must be offended or hurt type of molly coddling society we have become.  We have to tiptoe through the minefield of life now, watching every single step just in case someone is offended.  And if that isn’t bad enough, we have to watch out for groups who just may be offended, and we can’t mention them, just in case.

In my meanderings through the Interweb I came across an article in a UK newspaper.  That article amply demonstrated just how fucking insane the world has become.

A woman wanted to advertise for a domestic cleaner.  She wrote out a simple advertisement and approached her local job centre to ask them to display it.  They wouldn’t.  Why?  Because she stated that any applicants for the post ”must be very reliable and hard-working”.  What’s wrong with that, you may ask?  The job centre refused the advertisement on the grounds that it may offend unreliable people, and that it was discriminatory.

Did you ever hear of anything so fucking ridiculous before?  Is this not the greatest heap of steaming manure?  Is there anyone insane enough out there to agree with this?

What next? 

Are we going to be forbidden to greet people with a cheerful ‘good morning’ because we may offend people who don’t like mornings?  Are we even going to be allowed to use our native language any more, in case we offend foreigners? 

I was going to write a scathing article today about all those sad fuckers who were conned into buying the iPad, which is something they never realised they needed until the advertising hype deluded them into thinking they needed it, but I can’t now.

I wouldn’t want to discriminate against idiots.

Merry Xmas My Arse

Grandad December 22nd, 2009

I swear to God, if I hear that fucking Slade song “Merry Xmas Everyone” one more time, I’m going to find that Noddy Holder, stick my twelve bore up his arse and fire both barrels.

Noddy

Well, I’m buggered

Grandad December 9th, 2009

Well, ladies and gentlemen.  Have you all got your tubes of KY jelly, your jars of Vaseline and your boxes of Kleenex at the ready?

You had better have, for today is the day when we all get royally bum-fucked.

Today, you are not only going to be raped, but you are going to enjoy it.  Because it is, after all your ‘patriotic duty’?

Having handed the country over to the bankers and the builders for the last few years, the government have discovered that the coffers have been cleaned out, and the bankers and builders are now happily sunning themselves in various tax havens.  It is up to us as ‘patriotic citizens’ to fill the coffers again.

We all have to ‘feel the pain’.  Cowen told us so.  After all, isn’t he taking a massive pay cut down to a miserly €228,466?  The poor man.  How will he ever subsist on that paltry sum?  I must send him the address of his local St Vincent de Paul.

Knowing that he is cutting his salary to a mere fifteen times what I get, will of course make my pain that much easier to take.

I know I am going to be hammered with their fucking carbon tax.  For all of you who question why the governments are pushing the Global Warming agenda so hard, there is your answer – a fucking massive new revenue stream that we can’t complain about because ‘it’s for the good of the planet’.  I filled up on oil yesterday, and I’m filling the car today, even though I don’t need to [I’m still running on petrol I bought in Caen, in France]

So my advice is to just sit back, and enjoy the ride [as it were].

If the clergy don’t fuck us up the arse, the government will.

When is a tree not a tree?

Grandad November 22nd, 2009

What the fuck is it with these morons and their Christmas trees?

OK, so it is traditional for a city to put up a tree at this time of year, and I have no problem with that.  But then they have to go all fancy and start sticking up monstrosities that bear fuck all resemblance to a tree apart from a vaguely conical shape.

Take for example the monstrosity that they erect in Dublin.

dct

This carbuncle on the face of the city was manufactured in France at a cost of €100,000, and is supposed to be “eco friendly”.  Eco friendly my bollox.  They talk about it having “energy efficient lighting”.  God give me strength!  If they are so fucking worried about the consumption of electricity, then why is the whole fucking city floodlit every night of the year? 

Then there is the “sustainable” “tree” that they have in Limerick.

lct

This yoke that looks like it has fallen off a church is supposed to be a tree?  Hah!  It least it has the sense to wreck itself before it could despoil the skyline.

Now, listen to the voice of reason, you politically correct, inept eejits.

Ireland is covered in fucking forests.  You have covered the mountains with millions of fucking trees so that instead of pleasant views, all we can see is endless lines of identical conifers.  What’s more, the buggers grow at a frightening rate of knots, so that knocks your “sustainability” crap on the head.  Cut one town today, and another one will have grown in its place by tomorrow.

All you have to do is take a half hour drive from any city in the country and your find yourselves surrounded by conifers.  Cut one down and stick it up in your city, if you must. 

They are quiet easy to recognise.

They look like this:

spruce

Where is the youth of yesteryear?

Grandad August 21st, 2009

Whenever I feel like a good dose of depression, I watch the news on RTE.

After I have feasted of the murder of the day and watched the weather forecast, I sometimes leave the television on.

RTE have this series that they have been running for ages called ‘Reeling in the Years’.

‘Reeling in the Years’ is cheap television at its best.  All they have to do is pick on some unfortunate bastard and send him down to the basement to dust off the cans of archive material.  The contents are then stuck together with sticky tape and banged out to an unsuspecting audience.

Normally they broadcast stuff from the eighties and nineties which bores the arse off me.  For fuck’s sake, the eighties and nineties aren’t history?  They are only yesterday and I can remember only too well what happened.

For the last few night they have been broadcasting material from the late sixties and early seventies which is much more like it.

One thing that strikes me every time I see material from those days is the number of protests.

No matter what year, we see massive protests in O’Connell Street or in front of the Dáil complaining vociferously about low pay, high taxes or whatever took their fancy at the time.  In the majority of those cases, the protesters won and everyone went home until the next riot.

Where the hell are the protests now?

God knows, we have more than enough to protest about.  If anything we are spoiled for choice.  We have the most corrupt, inept, incompetent bastards in office who have destroyed everything that we gained over the last fifty years and reduced the country to begging paupers.  Ireland is not going down the toilet.  It has sunk, and is now floating along with the rest of the shit off Howth Head.

When I was a student in the sixties, there would have been riots in the streets.  The entire country would have gone out on strike, and we would have settled for nothing less than a complete rout of the government.

What the hell has happened?  Where are the students?  Where are the unions?  Why isn’t there blood running in the gutters?

I am baffled by the meek acceptance of our plight.  I am ashamed at the utter spinelessness of our youth.  My generation stopped the war in Viet Nam through protests.  We brought down governments.  We changed things for the better.

The youth of today protest all right.  They Twitter their anger.  They complain on Bebo.  They protest on Facebook.

Fuck that.

Is this what the world has sunk to?

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