Archive for the 'Smoking' Category

Smoking is good for you

Grandad October 19th, 2007

Whenever there is a survey about health, they invariably ask if you smoke.

They then ask how many cigarettes a day.

But they never mention a pipe. And I often wondered how pipe smoking equated to cigarette smoking. I meant to ask the Doctor. And then it struck me - why not look it up on the Interweb?

So I did.

And what I found surprised even me.

Apparently, a pipe-smoker who smokes up to four bowlfuls of tobacco a day can have a longer life expectancy than someone who doesn’t smoke at all.

Several reports have shown this. Including one by our friend the Surgeon General of the United States.

Of course the Anti Smoking Nazis would have us believe that even thinking about tobacco is enough to bring on a brain tumour, so the idea of smoking prolonging life is pure heresy.

So how can the pipe be healthy, if tobacco is so evil? Simple.

The key to the whole issue lies in stress.

When calculating a persons expected lifespan, there are many factors to consider - heredity, lifestyle, general health and mental well-being.

Of these, mental well-being is considered to be one of the greatest factors. Being happy and relaxed in you life is enough to add years onto your life expectancy. Relaxation is the key. Stress is the killer.

To me, every aspect of cigarette smoking screams of stress - frantically jamming the fag in the mouth; the rapid dragging on it and the final stabbing of the cigarette in the ashtray. Pipe smoking is a ritual. By its nature, it’s a relaxing process - the careful packing of the tobacco into the pipe; the ritual of lighting it [a quick stab of a lighter isn't good enough here], and then sitting back and enjoying it. I even find the process of cleaning a pipe relaxing. People even say that the sight of another person smoking a pipe is relaxing.

People accuse me of inventing the stuff I write about. I’m very hurt by that, but I’ll let it pass.

I will quote from the Surgeon General of the United States in his report on the dangers of tobacco.

Specifically, this report confirmed what had been suspected for quite some time, that cigarette smoking could be dangerous. However, the conclusion drawn from several studies about pipe smokers was that they tended to live longer than the general population!

So. Throw away those damned cigarettes. They stink, and they are dangerous.

Put it in your pipe and smoke it.

Are you a Bum Puffer?

Grandad October 4th, 2007

A couple of weeks ago, I got chatting to a bloke.

He asked me if I was a Bum Puffer.

To cut a long story short, he’s making good progress.

He can now feed through a tube through what’s left of his jaw. They managed to remove his right leg from his rectum and sew it back on. And they are hopeful that they will find his arms somewhere.

But this got me thinking. What exactly is a Bum Puffer?

I did a search on the Interweb and came up with nothing. I even tried the Urban Slang sites. I tried Gay sites. Not a mention. I tried sites about flatulence. Rien. Nada.

Then a nice chap contacted me from Australia. He explained. Thanks Rohan.

Apparently Bum Puffing is the act of smoking without inhaling. That’s all. Trust the Australians to make something simple sound crude.

So I am a Bum Puffer. I’m Bum Puffing as I write.

I feel bad now. I suppose I had better visit that bloke and apologise.

I’ll bring him some grapes.

I’ll liquidise them first.

Smoking makes you live longer

Grandad August 27th, 2007

Fact.

Studies by eminent psychologists show that happiness increases your lifespan.

Apparently, a happy, positive person can expect to live ten years longer.

Now, they claim smoking can knock five years off your life, though they don’t mention the figures for pipe smoking.

So if I quit the pipe, I am going to be miserable, because I enjoy it, and would miss it. That’s ten years gone.

I have decided not to quit, so that makes me happy and content. My ten years are back.

Smoking is possibly going to knock five years off that, but I’m still five years in profit.

Apparently [and I quote] “In terms of living longer and healthier, positive feelings are more important than body mass, smoking and exercise”

So I’m going to light up my pipe now and relax in my armchair.

In doing so, I am adding five years to my lifespan.

Q.E.D.

kick it on kick.ie

-aAa-

Learn more about Smoking and how it affects your Health by visiting a Medical Website. While online medical sites can be a great source of Health Information, they are not meant for self-diagnosis and there is still no substitute for a visit to your doctor.

Stick this in your pipe and smoke it

Grandad July 11th, 2007

I came across an article in yesterday’s Irish Times Health Supplement.

It’s by Dr Muiris Houston.

According to a study published this week in the US medical journal Archives of Neurology, tobacco smoking is associated with a reduced risk of developing Parkinson’s Disease.

One extract says

“And other tobacco products also appeared to be protective with men who smoke pipes or cigars having a 54 per cent lower risk of developing Parkinson’s Disease.”

Hmmmm.

Hah!

There’s no smoke without ire

Grandad June 12th, 2007

Herself likes to read the Sunday Times.

It’ll be the death of me because that’s where she gets all her ideas for new ceilings and floors and furniture. Once or twice, she has even picked out a house she wants.

But that’s beside the point.

I read a nice article in the last edition by Kathy Foley. It had a nice title -”There’s no smoke without ire”. I like that. In fact, I’m going to plagiarise it. [sorry!]

She started a wee rant about the erosion of liberties of the smoker and how we are being pushed around by the Anti Smoking Nazis. I saw a kindred spirit here. She says that the EU is now considering banning smoking in pub doorways, and bus shelters. I checked the date, but it’s not the First of April.

It was a well written article, and by the half way mark I was cheering away. I had found a fellow rebel.

But then she let herself down. Badly.

She mentioned a ban on smoking in cars and said [and I quote] “I might have to concede that one”.

My heart sank. Her spark of rebelliousness was being extinguished by the ongoing tide of political correctness and the hysterical popularist rant against the smoker. She is being brainwashed into accepting the mass hysteria against passive smoking.

It is sad when intelligent people succumb to the verbal kristallnacht of the politically correct.

Come on Kathy. Keep the flag flying.

It’s time to start a rebellion.

-oOo-

UPDATE….

Kathy has just posted the article on her blog

Another victim

Grandad June 9th, 2007

There is a sheltered house near the village.

It’s one of those sanctuaries for people who can’t quite manage to live life on their own.

One of the residents has been coming to the village shop for years.  She is a quiet woman.  Her life and needs are simple.  She likes to buy five cigarettes at a time because that is all she can afford and it is one of her little pleasures in life.  The local shop has always obliged.

But this time was different. She didn’t understand why the shop couldn’t give her her cigarettes. She didn’t understand the law. She walked away empty handed with her head held low and a look of bewilderment on her face.  She walked past a crowd of teenagers who were waiting for the bus.  They were all puffing away with their packets of twenty.

Harney - May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. And may you have nightmares for the rest of your miserable life.

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