Archive for the 'Television' Category
Weird
Grandad February 7th, 2011
They are running that weird advertisement again.
I couldn’t find this years version so you will have to make do with last years, not that it makes any difference as they are identical apart from the dates.
Could someone please tell me something?
Where the fuck are those skyscrapers in Dublin? It’s the Dublin Festival, not the New York one. Or are we once again supposed to be overawed by the American reference?
And while you are at it, could you please tell me what is supposed to be so endearing about a yoke that looks like something out of War of the Worlds?
The message I get from the film is to stay well away from New York, otherwise I will be eaten by a load of canvas chairs.
It certainly doesn’t make me want to go to a film festival in Dublin
New laws
Grandad December 13th, 2010
There are many unwritten laws by which we must abide.
One of those laws states that anyone of an older generation has to criticise pop music.
I am a firm disbeliever in laws, so I refuse to criticise modern music, even if it is completely lacking in talent, originality or music and is as pleasant to listen to as a pounding headache.
I have noticed a trend in recent years that seems to have become another unwritten law – the fact that the majority of female “singers” have to appear on stage in a state of complete undress. No matter what age the singer is, she has to appear in a state of almost total nudity. I’m not complaining, by the way. just commenting. I can’t help but feel that this ploy is to distract us from the fact that the singer has about as much musical ability as a cow farting. In fact, the law seems to state that the amount of clothing is directly proportional to the level of talent.
Another somewhat newer law seems to apply to male singers. I have seen a few male pop singers interviewed on television, and this is where their law comes into force. Apparently the law states that “upon seating thineself within a studio, thou shalt rest thine ankle upon the knee of the other leg” or words to that effect. This peculiar mode of rest seems to be unique to pop singers. I have never seen an actor, a politician or anyone else do it. It looks rather uncomfortable as it twists the legs into a sort of 7. I’m not sure what the purpose of this strange arrangement of the legs is. Is it a demonstration of how nonchalant they are? Are they trying to convince us that they are completely at ease? Or are they simply acknowledging the fact that they all talk through their arses?
The other night I thought I would try it out. I carefully placed my right ankle on my left knee and sat that way for the evening. I didn’t feel particularly carefree. I didn’t feel particularly casual. In fact it was rather uncomfortable.
And the circulation is only just starting to resume in my right leg.
The why factor
Grandad December 5th, 2010
I had a very nasty accident last night.
I was sitting there, minding my own business, flicking through the television channels as there was fuck all of interest on. I accidentally flicked through the X-Factor, and Herself gave a little squeal and asked me to stick with that programme.
I watched it for a while. After all, I had to see a bit of the programme that reputedly is the sole reason the Irish haven’t started a rebellion against our Glorious Gubmint. I lived to regret that decision however. The programme had the same fascination as a particularly nasty car crash. It was one of the worst programmes I have seen in a very long time.
The lowlight [as distinct from the highlight] had to be that little prick Walsh. Now there is a face I could definitely never get tired of kicking. There was little to chose between himself and Cowell, as they were both insufferable pricks, but I think Walsh wins by a narrow margin.
Then there was the audience. Most of the time they sounded like a herd of pigs in a slaughter-house. Jayzus but the noise out of them was painful. What the fuck is it about modern youth that they have to be so fucking noisy all the time? There was just a constant background of squeals and whistles that would give you a worse headache than a guillotine.
The contestants were pretty dire too. To be honest, most of them sounded like they were singing karaoke down at the local pub. Herself apparently had heard about some Irish Wan called Mary and wanted to hear what she was like. When she finally made an appearance on stage she proceeded to sing way off key. I have a sensitive ear when it comes to discords, and my ears were not happy bunnies. At last, I thought, that Walsh prick is going to have to tell Mary the honest truth, but no – he raved about her singing as if she were the new Maria Callas.
I then had a quasi-religious moment, something like a vision on the road to Damascus. Walsh must be deaf. There was no other answer.
How else would you explain his strange belief that Jedward have talent?
Reckless materialisation
Grandad November 26th, 2010
They are showing that fucking advertisement again.
It pisses me off on so many levels.
First of all, there is the weird stereotyping – [supposedly] beautiful young girl who is a victim, while the “guilty” party looks like the redneck offspring of inbreeding.
Then there is the accident itself. Redneck is following a car. Road is dead straight and clear. Redneck overtakes but dog crosses road. Redneck swerves and crashes. What’s wrong with that? It’s an unfortunate accident. If anyone is to blame it’s the dog or his owner, not either of the drivers. Logically, an argument could be made that Redneck should have run over the dog, but when you have microseconds to judge, it is difficult to act logically, and the instinctive thing to do is to swerve.
Another wee point that baffles me is the Third Car. Redneck overtakes a car on a clear straight stretch of road. The overtaken car then smacks head on into another car. Where the fuck did the Third Car come from? It wasn’t there when Redneck started his manoeuvre, but somehow materialised miraculously just in time to add to the mayhem. If anyone should be in the dock, it should be the driver of the Third Car, charged with reckless materialisation. That couldn’t happen though as even stranger, the Third Car has no driver.
Then to cap it all, the judge states that it was “quite plain that he was going too fast to cope with the unexpected”. What the fuck? Do we all have to drive as if expecting a dog to run out at any time? Do we all have to watch out for Third Cars that may miraculously materialise in front of us? We would never get anywhere.
There isn’t a single part of that video that doesn’t annoy me.
Fucking Nanny State!
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