Archive for the 'The Family' Category

Jaded

Grandad January 27th, 2010

It’s our wedding anniversary this weekend.

I had to delve into the recesses of my memory, but I’m fairly sure we got married in ‘75. 

Holy fuck!

Thirty five fucking years!!!

It’s hard to believe. 

During all that time, I am proud to say that I have remained faithful loyal married, which must be some kind of record.  If I were American, I would be onto my fifth or sixth by now, and sunning myself on a beach in Florida with a nice young twenty-something.  But I’m Irish, so I’m stuck here in the mountains with Herself.

Apparently it’s our ‘jade anniversary’ which means I am supposed to buy her something to do with jade.  She can fuck off.  I know of a slapper called Jade who works in a nightclub in Skobieville, so I might make myself a present of her for the night, but that’s as far as it goes [apart from the follow up trip to the STD clinic?].

Thirty. Five. Fucking. Years.

I can’t get over it.

Half the population of this Godforsaken country wasn’t even born, thirty five years ago.

I’m not going to mention it, of course.  With a bit of luck she’ll forget.  And if she doesn’t, she had better get me a damned good present.

It had better be a fucking medal.

New upgrade announced

Grandad November 15th, 2009

Grandad V1.0 was released to the public some seven years ago with the codename of Laughingboy.

Two years later, Grandad V2.0 [Puppychild] came out.

Some of the more astute of you may have noticed that there is an impending release of Grandad V3.0. 

We are currently at the Beta test stage and are ironing out the wrinkles, so to speak.  Final release is expected some time in the Spring of next year.  As yet, the new release is unnamed, and is currently referred to under the code name of “The Bump”.  I would of course like to officially pass on my congratulations to the team who have worked so hard [?] on bringing about this momentous occasion.

The Wedding

Grandad May 10th, 2009

I confess that it is quite some time since I was at a wedding.

Apparently the ceremony is full of new traditions.  Now I always assumed that a tradition was something that has been done for generations, but it seems that the modern wedding ceremony is full of traditions that were dreamt up in the last week or two.

I don’t know whether it is a modern tradition or not, but I was a little surprised when in the middle of the proceedings, the priest gave a Nazi salute [complete with a ‘Heil Hitler’] and then went on to extol the virtues of the Third Reich uniforms.  I don’t remember any mention of that being introduced into the wedding ceremony, but who am I to argue?

A few minutes after that, I swear I heard the priest signing the happy couple into the Roman Legions and pledging allegiance to the Emperor, but I may have been mistaken.

The main thing though is that TAT finally signed that bit of paper.  It has taken a few years, and a lot of persuasion, but he has finally done the honourable thing, so I suppose I can give him those negatives now.  I have no further use for them, though I have kept a couple of copies, just as proof that it is possible to do that to a goat.

There were a couple of anxious moments where the whole thing went belly-up, such as the time near the beginning when TAT did a runner.  Our K8 was a little anxious until we managed to find him hiding in the graveyard.

waiting

The bridesmaid was TAT’s sister, Loopy Loo.  She was a bit hyper before the wedding but we managed to get her sedated and sobered in time, so that was all right.

loopyloo

For some unknown reason, TAT and the Best Man turned up wearing skirts.  I think it may have been a ploy to allow him to run faster, but that didn’t work.  I had to ask The Question though, and apparently they do.

underwear

TAT’s biker friends all behaved themselves impeccably.  Until they got drunk, that is.  When we left the pub, it was burning merrily and even as I write, I can see the smoke rising beyond the hills.

Herself took a photograph of me after we got home.  I was proud of the fact that I managed to drive that distance with a pint of Guinness in my hand, without spilling a drop.

fireside

Incidentally, she has asked me to point out that the underwear belongs to Cousin Stacey and not her.

But seeing as we don’t have a Cousin Stacey, I think you can draw your own conclusions.

I’m free

Grandad May 9th, 2009

I won’t be around today.

Having successfully traded my daughter on the open market, I’m off to the signing off ceremony.

Major celebrations.

She is TAT’s headache now.

I am become my father

Grandad May 4th, 2009

Lately I have been seeing a lot of my father.

He has been hanging around the house quite a lot and I have been enjoying the comfort of familiarity.  Those expressions of movement, the mannerisms, and the general deportment that I remember so well from times gone by.

You must realise that my father passed over nearly thirty years ago, but I am not cracking up.  I am not seeing ghosts.  What I am seeing is as real as you or me.

It struck me earlier today that I was seeing him vividly.  The only thing was that I was seeing him from inside, not outside.

As I grew up, in common with most children I felt my father was ancient.  In my case, he was in his late forties when I was born so he always was pretty old compared to me.

As I grew, he was the solid rock of dependability that steered us through life, and I always felt that once my father was around, that all would be right with the world.

Now what I am seeing is his mannerisms that I have subconsciously adapted.  I see his walk, his distinctive movements, almost his thought patterns, for I have reached the age that he was at when I remember him the best.

It is quite comforting really.

I am become my father.

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