Head Rambles

Grandad October 21st, 2007

I really have had enough of this.

I have been struggling with this web design business now for a few weeks, and it just isn’t me.

I have also been struggling with the Interweb thing and it’s annoying me. People keep sending me invites to Social Networking sites that they swear aren’t Social Networking sites, but it turns out they are. And people keep sending me Memes that drive me insane.

My computer is beginning to get ratty too. It’s starting to give out to me every morning. There’s nothing wrong with it physically [apart from a bit of fluff under the keys], but it’s just getting bad tempered. Like me.

So I’m quitting.

I want a new job to pass the time.

I’m quite good at a lot of things, though I’m not up to much physically, as some of the important bits have fallen off.

The old brain is still reasonably functional. I can do crossword puzzles, and my highest score on Minesweeper [Expert level] is 98 seconds. I’m not a bad shot. I’m very kind to animals, but not humans. I have to work from home, because I’m damned if I’m going to put up with that iniquitous smoking ban thing. There must be some job out there that I’d be good at.

I need something that doesn’t require any effort but makes a lot of cash.

I thought of being Taoiseach, but I’m not devious or corrupt enough for that. Even I have standards.

I thought of becoming a tribunal lawyer. But that means going into Dublin a couple of times a year, and I hate Dublin.

Has anyone got any ideas?

I don’t want to end up like this….

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Grandad October 20th, 2007

I woke early this morning.

I thought as I had some time to spare I’d try putting Linux on my PC.

I had already copied down the file from the Interweb, so I put it on a floppy, and stuck it in my floppy drive. [no jokes please]. I rebooted.

It made some funny noises, but things seemed to go all right. But then it started asking me questions. It wanted to know where to put the Linux, and did I want to use my whole hard drive?

I have my faithful crappy copy of Windows on the PC that works most of the time, and I didn’t want to lose that. Or my collection of porn photographs. So I had to switch the PC off and start again.

This time I went into Windows and cleared up some space. Then I went back to my Linux again.

All went well. I found the space and I told Linux it could do what it wanted with that, and it seemed happy. I went off to make my fifth mug of tea.

I came back to find it was complaining about my hard disk. It said it was faulty. B*ll*x. It’s only ten years old , so it can’t be that bad. And the little pop-up thingy that was complaining wouldn’t go away.

So I had to start again from scratch.

This time it worked. Everything went in. It told me to reboot, which I did.

It looks nice. Uncluttered. Clean. Nice colours.

I told it to connect to the Interweb, but it refused. So I had to try to find what was wrong. And I ended up going around and around in circles. I eventually got it connected after another six mugs of tea.

So I started browsing the Interweb. No problem. Of course everything looked the same as it did in Windows, only much slower.

I went to see what else was there.

Nothing.

None of the programmes I need are around, except for a text editor, and a copy of Open Office. I opened that and tried to read some of my old documents, but it’s confusing. I’m used to my old ways. I’m too old to change.

I did find some games. Linux provides a lot more Games than Windows. But that’s a lot of trouble to go to just to play a game.

In the end, I went back to Windows.

Windows may not work, but at least I know where all the programmes that don’t work, are.

Time for another mug of tea.

I’d better go for a pee too.

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Grandad October 18th, 2007

Me: Mornin’

Laptop: Whatever.

Me: Have you finished all that crap with downloading stuff and checking things?

Laptop: Maybe. Maybe not.

Me: I’ve been thinking about this Linux thing. People seem to think it’s a good idea.

Laptop: Fucking nerdheads. What would those wankers know?

Me: There is no need for that language. I want to give it a try anyway.

Laptop: You want me to switch?

Me: OK. Let’s go for it.

Laptop: >>>>>>>!>> reboot

…

Me: kjjsu ^hdh lk kjudfg?

Laptop: Try a different text editor.

Me: Got it. This seems fine. Yup. I’ve found the Internet.

Laptop: Big fucking deal.

Me: I can’t find PhotoShop?

Laptop: You don’t have PhotoShop on Linux. You’ll have to use Gimp.

Me: I don’t know Gimp! How long will it take me to learn?

Laptop: That and all the other different programmes? A looooong time. *heh*

Me: This is no good. I have stuff that has to be done today. Go back to Windows.

Laptop: Tosser!

Laptop: +++++ & reboot..

…

Me: That’s better.

Laptop: Critical error! NTFS partition failed. Contact Microsoft immediately!!

Laptop: System files currupt or missing.  System shutdown! System shutdown!

Laptop: Pfffffffff…………

*sigh*

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Grandad September 21st, 2007

I received a phone call yesterday.

That b*st*rd Dick passed it on to me. Revenge?

It was from a client who is complaining about his mail not working.

I hacked into his account and went in to the bit where mails are set up. It seems he has been setting up his own mails.

Now, for the uninitiated [including myself], there are two types of account here - a POP account which is where you log in and retrieve all your mails [similar to a Gmail or Hotmail account], and there is a Redirect. A redirect is where you write to that address and it is forwarded on to another account. So when you write to me at grandad at headrambles, it gets forwarded to bertie@irlgov.ie. Got that?

Now this company have set up a total of 36 POP accounts, and another 27 Forwarders. Nothing wrong with that? [apart from being a bit excessive?]

Well, there is.

Because a lot of the addresses are the same on both lists.

So if I write to A, it might end up in A’s account because he has one. Or it might be forwarded to B and C because A is a Forward account as well. Now we don’t know which it will go to, but we assume it goes to B and C.

But B has an account and it also has a forward which points back to A. So that poor old mail may end up going in circles until it dies of exhaustion.

So their mail system is a spaghetti of interconnecting mail accounts which they set up. It is no f*cking wonder they are having problems.

So who are this company?

They are a major training company here in Ireland. And what to they give courses in and degrees in?

Yup.

Computing.

Of course I deleted all their files and put a porn site there.

They don’t deserve to have a web site.

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Grandad September 17th, 2007

I HATE BOOKKEEPING

Got that?

I have been doing my accounts all day and I’m sick of it. I have had enough.

So here’s the deal…………..

If I owe you money, the cheque is in the post. OK?

If you owe me money, I want it by the end of the week.

Or you’ll be getting a visit from Tiddles.

There.

That wasn’t too hard.

Bookkeeping finished.

Who says blogging isn’t good for business?

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Grandad August 30th, 2007

Once more, with feeling, I have a problem.

For those of you who are new to this place, I have [had] a friend Ron, who with our pal Dick runs a web design business. I shot Ron [accidentally, I might add] a few weeks ago but couldn’t tell Dick. So I had to lash off and buy “HTML for Dummies”, “MySQL for Dummies”, “PHP for Dummies” and “CSS for Dummies” and then pretend to be Ron. They are incredibly boring books, by the way. Don’t get them if you want a laugh.

My problem is that I seem to be a better businessman than Ron.

My first site was a great success, and the phone hasn’t stopped ringing since.

I now have lost count of the number of jobs I’m working on. I think it’s six or seven. And they all want me to finish yesterday. I had two phone calls yesterday - two more jobs…..!

I am now slowly sinking in a morass of dollar signs and curly brackets. I have nightmares about pixels and database updates. I have resurrected S.H.I.T.

I want to sit here and smoke my pipe and drink my tea. I want to write rude posts on my blog. I want to visit other peoples blogs and leave rude comments there. I want to relax and enjoy my retirement. But I don’t have the time any more.

Mind you, the money is f*cking good!

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