The last resort
Grandad April 21st, 2008
It was a funny old day yesterday.
The first thing I noticed when I got up was the beautiful sound of Spring.
I opened the windows to listen to the blackbirds, the finches, the doves and the gunfire.
The gunfire sounded interesting, so I went down to the village to get the paper. Sure enough, the villagers had caught themselves a tourist bus, and the tourists had tried to take refuge in the church. That was foolish, because everyone knows our church is closed on a Sunday.
So I racked up my score a bit, and went home.
Last night, Herself got a bit stroppy because I was cursing at the Interweb and saying rude things about servers that blow up, so I locked her in the coal hole and went for a pint.
Pullit served me my pint and we got chatting.
“What was that all about this morning?” I asked. “It’s a little early in the year for large tourist buses?”
“Did you not hear?” said Pullit. “Some feckin’ eejit has put out a brochure advertising this village as a tourist attraction.”
“Who would do that?” I said, though I knew it was just the kind of stunt Pullit would pull.
He looked all innocent. “I haven’t a clue. But we’re in for an interesting summer.”
“What does the brochure say?”
He went off to get me another pint and when he came back he slapped a brochure on the counter.
It was beautifully printed. There were lovely photographs of the village which had been nicely enhanced to make the place look quite attractive. There was a fancy little map showing how to get here. Of course, the pub had a nice little feature spot of its own.
“It’s going to be a good summer,” I said.
“Aye,” Pullit replied. “Plenty of sport.”
Printed across the front in nice Celtic lettering was the title.
- Tourists
- Comments(17)
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Whoa, I got 3 notices of your post in google reader.No idea if that is over-enthusiasm at your end or mine?
Are tourists like game, do they have to hang for a while before you can eat them?
I have overload as well.
I wonder if our comments come up on all three? One way to bring the stats up
Sorry about that. The server is throwing hissy-fits again. I have phoned the plumber and he is on his way.
Tourists should be hung for a while ideally, but we were running out of trees in the forest to hang ‘em from, so we don’t bother now.
I suppose if you get large enough numbers you’ll have to introduce some Myxomatosis style bug to get them back under control. How’s the food in the pub?
EMum – The more the merrier. We have plenty of ammunition. The pub specialty is Hungarian Goulash.
I’m coming to visit this summer. I’m bringing a bunch of my friends. They call themselves the 1st Division / 5th Mechanized Infantry. I have an import application in at the Irish embassy. I’m bringing some M1A1 Abrahms Tanks. I told them they’re just fancy tourist buses. I’m also glad the pub doesn’t serve American hot dogs.
Dear George,
You and your friends are most welcome. We shall of course lay out a nice reception committee.
Your ‘buses’ will come in very handy in the future when we advertise that we have added BushBurgers to the menu.
Grandad
I don’t know how you do it G.D.,you come up with the strangest things.and wouldn’t bush burgers taste, like dead road kill skunk .
You have obviously tried BushBurgers, Popeye. That’s a very good description, but skunkburgers aren’t as tough or thick.
Talking of tourists; when you go on your hols to La Belle I wonder if you are you taking us with you. Can we expect daily reports of your exploits, or must we await your return ?
TT – You can make your own damned arrangements. I’m going over there to get away from you lot!
Has the Craggy Island Tourist Board been revived to print the brochure?
I’m wondering if you might skip the “die” part as shown in the brochure in my case when I come and visit. That is if the dying part usually takes place shortly after my arrival that is, I have no problem taking care of it when my time comes. I’ll try not to come in a bus but if I have no choice I’ll just fake severe motion sickness and threaten to throw up on the driver’s head if he doesn’t let me off RIGHT NOW!
Then I’ll walk the rest of the way. And if you happen to have a spare automatic with a couple of clips, I’ll let you know when I plan to arrive and perhaps you could stash said items in a bush or abandoned shed somewhere along the road that I could possible retrieve. Hey, I enjoy shooting tourists as much as you do you know.
Tourists love to go to Ireland to find their ancestors and their roots, if they look for them in your village they are going to find them a lot quicker than they thought.
June – One thing we are excellent at is introducing people to their ancestors.
[...] is quite the sportsman too. Regularly taking potshots at passing tourist buses. The gunfire sounded interesting, so I went down to the village to get the paper. Sure enough, the [...]