Underground Metrosexuals
Grandad May 15th, 2008
What the fuck is a metrosexual?
Is it someone who has a fetish for humping underground trains?
Apparently Darren has become one. He proudly announces that he is one and has a Man Bag.
Now I have a Man Bag. All men have them, except those who have been involved in very nasty accidents. Under no circumstances am I going to walk around showing mine off though.
Darren examines his on the DART. That is disgusting. I might scratch mine, but that’s as far as I’d go. This metrosexual thing seems to have quite a few perversions attached.
Another is that he has a photo of that ponce Beckham on the page. Even worse, he has a photo of me on the same page. Maybe my photo is there to show what a real man should look like? I sincerely hope so.
I am worried for Darren.
Next thing he’ll be subscribing to Oxendales.
Or, [God between us and small farms] he’ll stoop so low as to start commenting on Beaut.ie and put them on his Blogroll.
Darren, my son. Men are men, and women are women. Stop blurring the boundaries. It leads to trouble. The only fashion accessory you should ever have or need is a wristwatch. Put your hands in your pockets where they belong and stop faffing about.
I blame the oestrogen in the water supply.
- Rambles
- Comments(44)
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I’d reply at length but I don’t have the time – I’m off to my pedicure appointment!!!
Oh God!
*sigh*
Jeez, I think I could learn a thing or 2 from Darren, my bag has a purse/wallet, sunglasses and if I am lucky a pen and tissues…if he is a metrosexual, am I one too???
Man bag – yuk! If a guy HAS to have one I say use a laptop bag to disguise the offensive accessory…
Darn, I thought I’d be the first commenter this morn! A camera bag is as far as I go in the accessory department! Do the world a favour, Grandad. Take out that bloody Beckam! Aim for the bag, seeing as how he doesn’t appear to wear shades.
“Man bag” brought very different images to my mind – body bags. Not pleasant.
Why can’t they just call them handbags or satchels?
Why do they need to carry around all that stuff anyway? I have a midyear diary and a cartridge pen. Blokes have survived centuries without all that stuff.
Metrosexual is out, heteropolitan is in. For the modern man who’s not so much homophobic as homosceptical.
I’m very much a pocket person. Keys in the front right (house & car), loose change, fags and lighter in the front left. Mobile phone in rear left and wallet in rear left.
Nice and simple. Just like me
i have a man bag. it too is a laptop bag. I put my man things in it. does it make me more of a man or a mná?
Natalie – Unless your parents had a very weird sense of humour, I would assume you are of the female persuasion? I which case you are fully entitled to carry a bag [why isn't it called a Woman Bag?]. Laptop bags are OK for men, because it makes them look more intelligent.
Shane/JD – You’ll have to get up earlier. A camera bag doesn’t count, unless it’s pink. It would be my pleasure to do Beckham and that awful little wife of his.
Ian – Because Handbag or Satchel sounds girly. They can’t seem to understand that the act of carrying one is in itself girly! All I need is loose change, a credit card, tobacco and a lighter.
Emordino – WHAT?? Hetropolitan? That is nauseating. Why can’t the modern man just be hairy and smelly like he’s supposed to be? And what is a Homosceptic? A man who doubts that men exist? There is someone with a problem…
Robert – A MAN like myself [and Ian]. Except I never keep anything important in back pockets. My phone and notes go in a shirt pocket where I can keep an eye on ‘em.
Peter D – As I said before, a laptop bag is quite all right. However I would very strongly advise against putting your man thing in it. It could get trapped in the zip, which would be painful. And if you have prostate problems, that could lead to leakage, which would play hell with the laptop.
I was hoping that it was a nickname for some comely young maidens who get photgraphed for page 3 of that freerag that gets handed out every morning on my way into work.
The truth is always disappointing.
Grandad
Are you suggesting that Darren should put his hands in his pocket and rattle his coins??
ALL MEN do that and it is very irritating!
Grandad,
Do you remember the story of the man who was thought very religious by his neighbour?
Every morning as he went out the front door to walk to the station, he crossed himself.
Finally, the neighbour said, “I didn’t realise you were Catholic?”
The man was confused by this, so the neighbour explained.
“Ah”, said the man, “Nothing to do with religion, it’s my checklist: glasses, flies, wallet comb.”
There was something similar to that in the Robbie Coltrane movie ‘Nuns on the Run’.
One was teaching the other how to bless themselves and it was:
“Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.”
A laptop is acceptable (barely) for a man as long as it is not on the lap. Table O.K. Lap not. As for pockets v manbag, my carry on bag on a plane is always a supermarket plastic bag. Double bagged. I detest carrying items in my pockets. I find the Blockbuster DVD bags to be suitable for cigs, lighter,shades,wallet,keys. Sadly comb no longer req’d. They have a short life due to the keys so stock up on them.
Grannymar – I can’t speak for Darren, but I always have my pipe firmly grasped in my hand.
Ian – And the one about the Defendant who was chewing gum in court? The judge told him to stop masticating so he apologised and removed his hands from his pockets….
TT – A laptop is acceptable on the lap, provided it’s in the privacy of one’s home. I find them great for keeping my knees warm. Sadly the Nanny State has outlawed plastic bags here, but they are an acceptable “fashion accessory” for a man. Just about.
yeh feckin man bags! what next lads with year round tans and no body hair??? wait a minute..
I say we should saturate the reservoirs with testosterone.
On second thoughts, that would make the women all hairy.
On third thoughts, they already are. LET’S DO IT!
Grandad….my point was misread, most women carry a lot more in their bags than I do, so I was wondering where I fit in…if a man with a bag is a metrosexual, does that make a woman with very little in her bag one too??
Natalie – No. It just means you are sensible enough to know that 99% of the junk normally found in a handbag isn’t necessary.
great post grandad
Yeah, great post Grandad. I love it when people rip the piss out of me.
I’m upset now – I’ll have to take my hankies out of my manbag!!
Ashley – Here was I just wondering if I should but a button on my sidebar for The Monthly Award!!
Darren – I hope you have seen the light???
I am worried for Darren
Grandad, there’s really no need to be. Given all the attention he’s gotten today I’m sure he’s doing a very girly happy dance around his office listening to Rick O’ Shea play Girls Aloud…
Like he always does on a Thursday.
Wonderful post btw
Well done the pair of you!
Or, [God between us and small farms] he’ll stoop so low as to start commenting on Beaut.ie and put them on his Blogroll.
fell about laughing at that one….
That’s some low flying patronising right there!!
For that, Mr Doyle, I’m posting up the poser pictures!!!
Oh fer chrissakes, a “Man Bag”? Why the hell did they have to call it that? It’s a soft-sided, open top, leather briefcase with a shoulder strap attached. But a “Man Bag”? Might as well call it a “Shoulder Scrot…well, never mind” for all that “Man Bag” gives ya’.
I did dig up some info on the word “Metrosexual” though and yes, it fits the long time, youngish male city/professional types (usually in management or above or (shudder) up and coming lawyers) that once were referred to as one of the so called “Beautiful People”.
Here’s a decent definition I ran across:
Darren’s new type of male accessory doesn’t necessarily turn my stomach since it doesn’t really appear to be anything of a feminine nature unlike those ridiculous “Sports Bags” of yore but the term “Man Bag” doesn’t do a thing for me.
I was morbidly curious about the origin of the term though and it seems that the term “Man Bag” is nothing but a general description for everything from a duffel, flight, utility bag to a couple that’re actually reminiscent of the ultimate women’s purse however there’s no accounting for taste is there?
I hope you appreciate all the work I put into this research for your benefit even though you didn’t ask for it.
Manbag shamambag! I’m with Grandad on this one. Unless it’s a ruksack or a laptop case or even a duffle bag it’s a purse. I love all the ecuses there are. Oh, it’s SO functional. I can carry my iPod, my cell phone, my pens and pencils and all those cables. Well there is even a compartment for my pride and one for my dignity too!
A rose by any other name, ya’ know. It’s a purse.
Darragh – That painted a too vivid picture for me. I have lost my appetite now!
Isitjustme – I’m surprised there hasn’t been a solicitors letter from that. I don’t think they read my humble efforts though.
Darren – Go for it. Might as well stir some shit here!
Kirk M – Of course I appreciate the research. You have confirmed my worst suspicions – Man Bags are highly suspect and should be treated with the same caution as unexploded bombs. i.e. Blow them up, just in case..
In fact, I’d blow up all metrosexuals [just in case]. I’m not homophobic – I just hate to see anyone that confused.
Brianf – A pair of pockets and an ammo belt. Right?
Be manbras next.
No Grandad, I don’t think they do.
In fairness you don’t regularly discuss the earth shatteringly important merits of Max Factor over Rimmel so why would they?.
Laughing again.
Hahahaha!!! Loving reading this, ta everyone for the smile. Though cant for the life of me see what the fuss is about. Seriously, where do you guys put your stuff (!), I mean mobile phone, diary, pens, money, cards, make-up, oops, meant keys, etc etc? Surely it cant all fit in pockets.
On a completely different track. I’ve just started a blog. It’s all a bit new to me so fingers crossed I don’t screw up and do something to upset the blogging world. Aw, sure, it’s all good fun.
TT – What size are you? DD??
Isitjustme – I don’t know how I exist with visiting them. ?
Charmed – Serious question, serious answer….
Mobile phone – shirt pocket.
Diary – What? Why would I carry a diary?
Pen – [only one] – shirt pocket, if I bother at all.
Money – Coins – trouser pocket, Notes – Shirt pocket
Cards – Trouser pocket
Make-up – No comment.
Keys – Coat pocket/trouser pocket/clipped to belt depending on weather, mood etc.
The only bulky thing in that lot is my mobile phone. I don’t have a lot of money [*sniff*].
Now why would I lumber myself with a bag? haven’t I enough to carry as it is?
Congratulations on the blog. Yay!
Ah good! I’m glad that my information had the proper effect then.
Nine inches
Kirk M – It always has the proper effect.
TT – You’re confused again. That should read nine centimeters.
You’re all missing the point. A woman’s handbag for instance is not a recepticle for carrying things. It’s a weapon . . . ever been swiped by one! Stick to your guns Darren, it might come in handy one day should someone jump you from behind . . . thwack ‘em with yer manbag! *ouch*
Letc see 9 /2.54 mmmmm yep, you’re about right again old timer.
Baino, I really don’t think you’re helping my case.
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Darren wore a skirt on his last day in school! OK, so did I but mine was worn in a totally straight, this-is-funny-and-ironic-becuse-I’m-so-damn-macho kinda way.
Tragically, I don’t have any photographic evidence to back this up but I reckon Darren might have some in his closet. So to speak.
“I reckon Darren might have some in his closet. So to speak.”
Oooh it’s all coming out now… so to speak…
I think Andrew, despite his protestations and denials, might have a question or two to answer too?
No-one uses wristwatches anymore, surely?